I’ve Been Angry

Iron sharpens iron having tested this statement through the years and found this to be true but without the sharpening we would all be dull and for the most part useless.

I believe we all have a purpose than just randomly being here.

Restoration is happening in my life the likes of which I prayed for and yet I currently I find I am not adequately prepared for. I thought when it happened I would be ready but I am not. My mind is filled with thoughts which conflict with my walk of faith. Mostly because I let myself get all butt-hurt over someone else’s choice. Who am I to say? But my reaction is still the same when I am rejected and abandoned.

The pain in my heart is still at that unbearable stage. You know the kind which constricts the throat cutting off your air? And when I struggle to breath I force my mind to process happy thoughts unfortunately those happy thoughts do not assuage the pricking of tears which fall freely un noticed down your cheeks and by the way where is that box of tissues?! Bringing with them that darkness which tries to creep in slowly changing the light within from bright white to dark grey like a storm rolling in off the marshland.

Yeah, it is happening to me right now and the battle is on. Placing one foot in front of the other I walk toward my room to grab up the guitar and sheets of music to cheer myself up but God has other plans for me today because he knows I will lay down and sleep for the next two hours after a brief song or two.

As soon as I bring my instrument, music and other necessities to the front room I learn via text message a friend is in need of moral support. Leaving everything I rush out to be there and pray while she waits at the hospital to hear good news.

I realize as I enter the hospital room that it is the very same room my last born grand daughter was in.
The mother’s of our grand daughters will share their firsts with their firstborn child in this same room. A room we recently filled with love and celebration. I find this is no mere coincidence and when I point it out my friend seems unimpressed and distracted by her mobile phone. She and her husband side by side and for the first time in our friendship they have fallen into their phones while a very tense and broken conversation unravels all over the place. I didn’t stay very long, it was obvious that they were not up to company.

People have become so desensitized to one another that they no longer appreciate the presence of live company finding a text message dialogue so much more comforting than the real thing.

We are not promised tomorrow and one thing I have learned is; if I do not show up in the life I have right now, when it is gone I can never get it back. I am making memories which will sustain me later, in those darkest times when the luxury of fellowship will be just that— a memory.

I do not live with regret because I am learning how to live with acceptance. I deliberately left my phone in my pocket on silence when I entered the hospital room because it is important to me that my loved ones know I am available and present when I show up.

Today I want to encourage you to put down the mobile phone, tablets and other electronic devices and have a conversation, uninterrupted. Really absorb the time and put it to memory it will be a moment in time you will not regret and will revisit far more often than a test message dialogue on an inanimate object.


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