Drunk, drunker, drunk-ed

You and I could go on and on about the truth of the matter, your side, my side, whatever.
You are a drunk, devoted to your addiction and nothing will stand in the way of that drink, NOTHING.
You choose it and until you don’t choose it you will remain drunk, period.

The fullness of life served to you on a silver platter as it is to us all and what have you done with it but then who am I to ask? It is your business if you fail to do anything with your talent. You have time and opportunity which you cannot deny and plenty of innocent bystanders to witness as you randomly haphazardly pass by ignorant of the trampled souls you leave in your wake.

I tormented myself for years over you and the fact that you chose booze over love. God knows how I have loved you and resented you and feared for you. I know how it is to want something so badly you would just about sell your soul because I have done it but I don’t know how a body could sell their whole life for that one thing they simply cannot do without, addiction courses through your veins and for you it is called alcohol.

As I and our brokenhearted children nurse our wounds and grieve the loss of a husband and father who was there but not present and probably never will be. The years of healing, the bouts of depression, rage and bitterness flew through my home not just my own but that of three young children all aware that daddy is not coming home and when they go to visit you just a whiff of your stale alcohol laden breath, blood shot eyes, swaying stance (you did Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean long before there was a Johnny Depp).

I tried to call you, to reason with you but your primary response was, “You wanted the divorce. Hows it feel to get what you want?” And then the child support check wouldn’t come. Child Support Enforcement enters in and there a battle ensues which will leave you a Felon on Federal probation. You ran for years from state to state, leaving a trail on one address after another. No sooner would the law catch up with you than you would disappear again. It didn’t help our children one bit that your family enabled you making flight a possibility for a very long time. You and your family allowed our children to go without. You all butt-hurt and they soothing your ego by sending money, shoes and clothes.

A full grown man, with children a man married and divorced and working but no one brave enough to tell you to suck it up. Smack your butt and get glad buddy because you screwed up quite possibly the best thing that will ever happen to you. A loyal and faithful wife and children who love and adore you. Who think the sun and moon rose and set again on your shoulders. In awe of your gifts and talents but it isn’t enough for you.

Who do you think suffered the most because you with held their rightful claim to love, protection and support?
It wasn’t me, it was our children who knew you worked because when you did call you would brag on the new car
or motorcycle or guitar you just bought or one of your family members gave you. But you had nothing to give not even a crumb of love for any of these children who waited for your call night after night only for the phone not to ring or run to the mailbox to find another day has passed without a letter or worse nothing on their birthday.

I took it on the chin, put myself through college and provided our children the most fulfilling life I could muster on and off a shoe string budget. I gave them the life you and I promised to provide.
More than once through the years I have been asked if I ever regret not having pursued my dreams and to them I always say the same thing, “I have no regrets.  I am far more fulfilled by sacrificing the of love of a man for the love of my children and would do it again were it necessary. Lovers come and go but our children are forever. A life time investment no parent should ever shirk.”

Yes it would be nice if my ex husband would pay the *38k he owes in unpaid child support.
I may not be able to use any of that money now to send my children through college as I had desired but I am sure I could find something worthwhile to invest it in.

*An unexpected phone call to notify me that a payment on that 38k my ex husband owes me in non paid child support came in on my cell phone today.  It has been nearly a decade since he made any effort on the unpaid balance.  Our children are adults nearing thirty years old with children of their own and the absent father has become the absent grandfather.  Out of respect for his privacy I am deleting his photographs (which he made publicly available through facebook).  It is my hope that he continues to pay down this debt so I can invest it in the future of our adult children, grand children etc.,

UPDATE:   November 19, 2015>>>>Via employment garnishment Robert’s employer submitted five small payments toward the unpaid child support Robert owes then…NOTHING

If you know the where abouts of the this man:


Robert Allen Bell, Jr  also known as: Robby, Bobby, Scooter, Rob and Bob please contact the:

Eastern Office EASTERN (552)Pete Liakakis Government Building222                                                                                     West Oglethorpe AvenueSuite 119                                                                                                                                             Savannah,GA 31401

Phone: 1-844-MYGADHS

According to my resources he is living & working somewhere in Texas United States of America since September 2015.  He also has a facebook page with the above photo as his profile picture.  Feel free to turn him in to the Child Support Enforcement office in Savannah, Georgia at the above mentioned address.  No child should go without especially in light of their parent’s ability to work and provide for their care.  This man’s children sacrificed so their father Robert Allen Bell, Jr could squander every cent that was morally and ethically theirs.  He has a debt to me of 38,000.00 in unpaid child support which is enforceable by law.  He was indicted more than a decade ago for fleeing the state to avoid prosecution for said unpaid child support.  Some members of his family has made it possible for him to elude prosecution and enforcement of the court order of support.

If you know this person:

Robert Allen Bell Jr Smiths Station, Alabama

Robert Allen Bell Jr


Please feel free to turn him in to the Savannah Child support enforcement agency he is known as one of the biggest deadbeats in the state of Georgia for more than a decade.

Eastern Office EASTERN (552)Pete Liakakis Government Building222                                                                                     West Oglethorpe AvenueSuite 119                                                                                                                                             Savannah,GA 31401

Phone: 1-844-MYGADHS


Amber Whited—Harley Davidson Run Golden Isles, Brunswick, Georgia

Amber Peace

August 2, 2014
4:00pm EST

According to one of the event team members only about 50 drivers registered for the run today which is several hundred short of the number of people who showed their support last year. I can’t help but wonder if many in the community hadn’t set up bogus locations for clothing and financial gifts for Amber’s children last year if things wouldn’t have gone better with the contributions to the run this year?

I learned from a reliable source that all proceeds which totaled about 10,000.00 were in the BB&T bank account for Amber’s children has been completely depleted and done so within six months of Amber’s death by individuals with access and little to nothing to show if the expenditures were for the benefit of her children. According to documents the children were not in the care of benefactors of said money during the dates and times the monies were spent.

According to another source this is the very reason why riders were scarce and donations even more scarce however, it is safe to say the trust fund established by the Golden Isles Harley Group is intact and remains untouched. IF YOU DESIRE TO MAKE DONATIONS THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE ENCOURAGES YOU TO CONTACT THE FOLLOWING LOCATION TO INQUIRE:
Golden Isles Harley-Davidson®
153 Venture Drive Brunswick GA 31525
Phone: 912.280.0448

United Community Bank
Brunswick, Georgia

Whited-Castro Family Trust


August 2, 2014
10:00 am EST
For those of you following the tragic story of Amber Whited who was murdered July 2013 the second run will be had today registration beginning at 10:00am and kickstands up at 11:00.

Whether you are riding or just want to come along for the ride all donations will go into a trust fund to benefit the surviving children of Amber Whited.

Please come by, show your support and drop a dime or two in the can.

There will be food and drinks on the premises after the ride is complete.
Golden Isles Harley-Davidson®
153 Venture Drive Brunswick GA 31525
Phone: 912.280.0448

The One That Got Away

“I know you don’t do it on purpose but you talk above their ability to process, you realize you are talking to people in the south who did not have the same education you got?”

I have been advised of this much of my life. Some state it is because I spent my formative years in New England public schools where most believe a higher education really does exist. I can’t say that I have this belief.

My parents were intelligent people both read daily some of which was local newspapers as well as the one from their home town. Mom read voraciously romance, mystery and true crime stories where as my father had other interests and hobbies such as race cars and home remodel projects as well as other things. My dad listened to controversial talk radio shows and watched the news daily. My mother loved music of all kind and dabbled in the arts she even sold a painting or two. Both were spiritually grounded in their own ways and own beliefs. And both loved “JEOPARDY” each racing the other to produce the correct answer earning the highest points. I lend my level of intelligence to my parents and the environment they exposed me to as a child during my formative years. Which by the way, was filled with higher standards, higher level of thinking and an open minded approach to the possibilities.

Recently I had a minor run in with someone who was offended by my way of speech; meaning my elocution. Many who initially meet me have no understanding of my history, education or career choice and so they have no idea that this is really the way I communicate. Reared by intelligent individuals, granted a higher education than most, choosing academia studies in college and a career as an Interpreter for people who are deaf or hard of hearing. I have a lexicon of knowledge which rarely gets used now that I am retired and in a different career path. Up until recently I have never really given much thought to how I come across to others. In fact, I have always consider myself agreeable but now I will be more conscious about NOT speaking too intelligently for the situation.

And so just a few short days have passed since this little run in and while performing administrative work for my business I come across an email conversation I had with a young woman and in this conversation I can clearly see now what I didn’t see then, she was offended from start to finish because I spoke over her head. And as I re-read this email my heart begins to hurt, my throat constricts and I fight back tears because we never resolved this conversation. And my usual living in acceptance has now turned to living in regret.

She being angry and bitterly offended allowed five weeks to go by where little to no words were spoken between us. As much as I pursue a reconciliation and apologize for any offense she stands her ground and holds a grudge. Tentatively in the fifth week we begin communicating but she still angry keeps her distance.
Imagine my great regret when a few days into reconciliation she is abducted and murdered.

I had an opportunity to apologize to someone I had offended. Instead of a warm and welcoming reception it was
tossed back in my face as offensive because I was too articulate and they didn’t know if I was sincere or rude.

Believe me when I say I am quick to reconcile any incident, I never want to be left holding the bag of nastygrams from a loved one again. I can never clear the matter up with this young woman. It may always way heavy on my heart that she never really new that I loved her as one of my own.

Friends, today I want to encourage you to face yourself as others see you. To consider trimming away some things that don’t come across appropriately but offensively. Read a book in the mirror and consider the expressions you use because some people are in tune to body language and facial affect. Your passion over a thing may come across as aggression… Practice approachability…

Study on the ways to integrate mercy and grace into your daily walk and practice, practice, practice
you and your loved ones will be thankful if you do

Much love

Murder, the new and present stranger

I have experienced the loss of life due to natural circumstances and even suicide but *murder, now this type of death is a new and present stranger to me.

The unlawful premeditated killing of one human being by another.
Kill (someone) unlawfully and with premeditation.
noun. homicide – assassination – killing – manslaughter
verb. kill – slay – assassinate – slaughter – butcher

There is pounding on the front door I can hear it in the distance as a man who resembles my ex son in law sits on the edge of my bed while tightly gripping my shoulders he shakes me, “Ma, Ma!” I awaken startled by the intensity in his eyes blue, to green to black and my mind is reeling with word “No, no, NO”! and it dawns on me, she is dead.
Alert, sitting straight up in bed, I realize this is a nightmare, only a nightmare. And I begin to pray.

Seven and half hours later my son notifies me of her disappearance. The nightmare, it was about her and there was no one I could share it with besides, no one is going to believe she reached out to me in this way. Many days ensued filled with tension and suspense as the search was on. Sleepless nights filled with nightmares and bumps in the night causing me to shoot straight up in the bed, my heart pounding away within my chest.

And though the standard coping mechanisms were tried they failed to ease the darkness which had begun to fill my belly. You know that darkness, deep within and pounding away the very words, we dread to hear. Whisperings of worst case scenarios flitting through my vivid imagination and hours of prayer to banish the very thoughts. I was on a vicious cycle destined for collision with reality whence it finally comes and could do nothing about it and so I prayed.

For weeks following her death I see his eyes looming above mine but it wasn’t my son in laws eyes I saw, it was his. And it wasn’t my screams I heard, it was hers.

I spent four days reviewing our phone chats, the photos we sent to and from and lastly the emails. The dreaded emails. I knew those last few were coming up, the ones before the make up. The ones she took such great offense to, the ones I couldn’t seem to get right. I simply let the matter rest and the dust settle thinking, “we can resolve it later”.

I reached out to her the day before she disappeared and she flooded my email with photos of my grand daughter’s first birthday party. I took joy in the photos and we broke ground on new conversation revolving around the children and the birthday party. I had no idea this would be the last time she and I would communicate…

Friends, do your best to keep a clean slate with your loved ones. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, not even this minute. So resolve to love, live and let live and if there is a tomorrow resolve to do it again. Time is of the essence and is never promised.

You are the very reason…

She comes in with a smile, a warm hug or handshake while lulling you into a false sense of security stabbing you in the back and sucking the very life out of the relationship between you and your rebellious child.

He was a pre-teen the first time he met her, a typical boy looking for other boys to hang out, play video games and ride bikes with. She offers a shoulder to cry on and lends an ear when the boy and his mother have a difference of opinion agreeing with the now teen boy whose mother is definitely a butt-hole and he really doesn’t have to listen, follow the house rules his mom has in place or do anything against his own will.  She fills him in with the current laws of the state and how he can become emancipated and move in with her.

He runs away and she hides him, assuring the frantic mother “If he shows up here, I’ll call you.”  All the while the young teen is sitting across from her smiling from ear to ear that he has just gotten one over on his mom.  And of course she never calls the frantic mother.  This usurper of authority turns a blind eye when drugs, girls and expensive merchandise wanders in and out of her front door.  And when the young girls become pregnant she encourages the distressed girls to keep the baby “she will help raise it.”

Amongst trash, rodents, roaches and filth she offers these young people a couch or bedroll to sleep on.  She provides a warm meal and a type of comraderie that these young people do not have with many of the adults in their own lives especially their parents.  The place practically uninhabitable and these young people embrace her and their freedom as they willingly travel the road to hell she offers.

Please pray for the youth in our country, throughout the nations…they need a God intervention to save them from the deceivers of this world who do the bidding of the evil one who comes to steal, kill and destroy…

Parents there are two kinds of neighborhood moms out there, the ones who back parents up and the ones who usurp their authority.    This type of mom is in your neighborhood and lurking behind closed doors filling your child’s head with all sorts of fanciful things.  She is experienced in manipulating their young minds and after all is said and done and even after your child has served time they still go back to her and do her bidding.  She is cunning and in the mind of your child without a fault.

Parents know who your child(ren) is hanging out with…

A missing young mother gone for more days than anyone wants to count and my mind goes back to this one influence in her life.  Her homelife filled with transients, drug addicts, drug dealers, alcoholics, felons, high school drop outs, strippers and the like and the front door opens by the very same mom I describe above.  This missing young woman influenced by the neighborhood mom you don’t want your child around.

Filling this missing young woman’s head full of her rights and usurping the rights of this child’s natural mother.  Parents we are not always going to get it right.  There will be times when nothing we do seems to be the right thing when it comes to our child.  They will hit that rebellious stage in their life as they test the waters and attempt to establish their own personality, likes and dislikes and nothing you say or do will change their mind but there must be a way to draw the line between your child and that one person who most adversely affects their life.

This neighborhood mom is exalted, raised high above all others.  To talk to the transients and delinquents they would rave about how loving, giving and accepting she is but do not be fooled.  This woman is a deceiver, manipulator and con artist.  She devours these kids souls for breakfast leaving them starving for more and like a yo-yo they keep coming back.

Parents….know who your kids are hanging out with…I believe this woman and the transient people she has opened her door to are the very reason another young person is lost…like a rotating door one young person  after another strolls in and out her door some never return lost to prison, drugs, madness, abduction and now death and few to a life of success…