Drunk, drunker, drunk-ed

You and I could go on and on about the truth of the matter, your side, my side, whatever.
You are a drunk, devoted to your addiction and nothing will stand in the way of that drink, NOTHING.
You choose it and until you don’t choose it you will remain drunk, period.

The fullness of life served to you on a silver platter as it is to us all and what have you done with it but then who am I to ask? It is your business if you fail to do anything with your talent. You have time and opportunity which you cannot deny and plenty of innocent bystanders to witness as you randomly haphazardly pass by ignorant of the trampled souls you leave in your wake.

I tormented myself for years over you and the fact that you chose booze over love. God knows how I have loved you and resented you and feared for you. I know how it is to want something so badly you would just about sell your soul because I have done it but I don’t know how a body could sell their whole life for that one thing they simply cannot do without, addiction courses through your veins and for you it is called alcohol.

As I and our brokenhearted children nurse our wounds and grieve the loss of a husband and father who was there but not present and probably never will be. The years of healing, the bouts of depression, rage and bitterness flew through my home not just my own but that of three young children all aware that daddy is not coming home and when they go to visit you just a whiff of your stale alcohol laden breath, blood shot eyes, swaying stance (you did Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean long before there was a Johnny Depp).

I tried to call you, to reason with you but your primary response was, “You wanted the divorce. Hows it feel to get what you want?” And then the child support check wouldn’t come. Child Support Enforcement enters in and there a battle ensues which will leave you a Felon on Federal probation. You ran for years from state to state, leaving a trail on one address after another. No sooner would the law catch up with you than you would disappear again. It didn’t help our children one bit that your family enabled you making flight a possibility for a very long time. You and your family allowed our children to go without. You all butt-hurt and they soothing your ego by sending money, shoes and clothes.

A full grown man, with children a man married and divorced and working but no one brave enough to tell you to suck it up. Smack your butt and get glad buddy because you screwed up quite possibly the best thing that will ever happen to you. A loyal and faithful wife and children who love and adore you. Who think the sun and moon rose and set again on your shoulders. In awe of your gifts and talents but it isn’t enough for you.

Who do you think suffered the most because you with held their rightful claim to love, protection and support?
It wasn’t me, it was our children who knew you worked because when you did call you would brag on the new car
or motorcycle or guitar you just bought or one of your family members gave you. But you had nothing to give not even a crumb of love for any of these children who waited for your call night after night only for the phone not to ring or run to the mailbox to find another day has passed without a letter or worse nothing on their birthday.

I took it on the chin, put myself through college and provided our children the most fulfilling life I could muster on and off a shoe string budget. I gave them the life you and I promised to provide.
More than once through the years I have been asked if I ever regret not having pursued my dreams and to them I always say the same thing, “I have no regrets.  I am far more fulfilled by sacrificing the of love of a man for the love of my children and would do it again were it necessary. Lovers come and go but our children are forever. A life time investment no parent should ever shirk.”

Yes it would be nice if my ex husband would pay the *38k he owes in unpaid child support.
I may not be able to use any of that money now to send my children through college as I had desired but I am sure I could find something worthwhile to invest it in.

*An unexpected phone call to notify me that a payment on that 38k my ex husband owes me in non paid child support came in on my cell phone today.  It has been nearly a decade since he made any effort on the unpaid balance.  Our children are adults nearing thirty years old with children of their own and the absent father has become the absent grandfather.  Out of respect for his privacy I am deleting his photographs (which he made publicly available through facebook).  It is my hope that he continues to pay down this debt so I can invest it in the future of our adult children, grand children etc.,

UPDATE:   November 19, 2015>>>>Via employment garnishment Robert’s employer submitted five small payments toward the unpaid child support Robert owes then…NOTHING

If you know the where abouts of the this man:

Robby

Robert Allen Bell, Jr  also known as: Robby, Bobby, Scooter, Rob and Bob please contact the:

Eastern Office EASTERN (552)Pete Liakakis Government Building222                                                                                     West Oglethorpe AvenueSuite 119                                                                                                                                             Savannah,GA 31401

Phone: 1-844-MYGADHS

According to my resources he is living & working somewhere in Texas United States of America since September 2015.  He also has a facebook page with the above photo as his profile picture.  Feel free to turn him in to the Child Support Enforcement office in Savannah, Georgia at the above mentioned address.  No child should go without especially in light of their parent’s ability to work and provide for their care.  This man’s children sacrificed so their father Robert Allen Bell, Jr could squander every cent that was morally and ethically theirs.  He has a debt to me of 38,000.00 in unpaid child support which is enforceable by law.  He was indicted more than a decade ago for fleeing the state to avoid prosecution for said unpaid child support.  Some members of his family has made it possible for him to elude prosecution and enforcement of the court order of support.

If you know this person:

Robert Allen Bell Jr Smiths Station, Alabama

Robert Allen Bell Jr

http://www.facebook.com/robert.bell.1694?fref=ts

Please feel free to turn him in to the Savannah Child support enforcement agency he is known as one of the biggest deadbeats in the state of Georgia for more than a decade.

Eastern Office EASTERN (552)Pete Liakakis Government Building222                                                                                     West Oglethorpe AvenueSuite 119                                                                                                                                             Savannah,GA 31401

Phone: 1-844-MYGADHS

Advertisements

Amber Whited—Harley Davidson Run Golden Isles, Brunswick, Georgia

Amber Peace

August 2, 2014
4:00pm EST

UPDATE:
According to one of the event team members only about 50 drivers registered for the run today which is several hundred short of the number of people who showed their support last year. I can’t help but wonder if many in the community hadn’t set up bogus locations for clothing and financial gifts for Amber’s children last year if things wouldn’t have gone better with the contributions to the run this year?

I learned from a reliable source that all proceeds which totaled about 10,000.00 were in the BB&T bank account for Amber’s children has been completely depleted and done so within six months of Amber’s death by individuals with access and little to nothing to show if the expenditures were for the benefit of her children. According to documents the children were not in the care of benefactors of said money during the dates and times the monies were spent.

According to another source this is the very reason why riders were scarce and donations even more scarce however, it is safe to say the trust fund established by the Golden Isles Harley Group is intact and remains untouched. IF YOU DESIRE TO MAKE DONATIONS THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE ENCOURAGES YOU TO CONTACT THE FOLLOWING LOCATION TO INQUIRE:
Golden Isles Harley-Davidson®
153 Venture Drive Brunswick GA 31525
Phone: 912.280.0448

OR BANKING INSTITUTION BELOW:
United Community Bank
Brunswick, Georgia

ATTENTION:
Whited-Castro Family Trust

IT IS STRONGLY ADVISED THAT NO DONATIONS BE MADE TO ANYONE CLAIMING FAMILY RELATIONS TO AMBER WHITED BUT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE ABOVE MENTIONED BANKING INSTITUTION and TRUST FUND AS LISTED.

August 2, 2014
10:00 am EST
For those of you following the tragic story of Amber Whited who was murdered July 2013 the second run will be had today registration beginning at 10:00am and kickstands up at 11:00.

Whether you are riding or just want to come along for the ride all donations will go into a trust fund to benefit the surviving children of Amber Whited.

Please come by, show your support and drop a dime or two in the can.

There will be food and drinks on the premises after the ride is complete.
Golden Isles Harley-Davidson®
153 Venture Drive Brunswick GA 31525
Phone: 912.280.0448

A Daunting Task

According to the teachings of my faith I am to compare myself to no other human.
Any comparison’s I make are ONLY to the perfect living example of Jesus Christ.

It can be a daunting task to read of his life experiences and see how he turned from those same
temptations I face and have faced.

Today I am reminded of where I was as a young woman of nineteen years old comparing to who I am as a
fifty something senior (yeah, middle age for me was in my thirties and I completely missed them).
Reaping what I had sown when younger, as a senior I am just coming out of the results of those choices.

Born into the world I have only worldly examples to lean on and for the most part imparted that initial
upbringing from my childhood to my children as I reared them in the only way I knew how.
While studying on the life of Christ I found fault with some of the teachings passed down to me from
my parents and chose not to repeat unfortunately, my studies of the life of Christ was sporadic and
did not intensify until latter years when the kids have moved on and are cultivating their own
families and traditions.

I have worn the scarlet letter and my history has been shared with all sorts of accusation,
sideway glances, rejection and abandonment from loved ones who saw and judged harshly and
believed me unworthy. And learned to see myself through their eyes.

One broken down relationship after another I have been made alone.
The opportunity to heal has begun and those old tapes, those old negative words and glances
no longer haunt as I move further and further away from the memories of a life which had once
held me captive.

I am no longer there frozen in time by the pain of the past. Each day bringing new experiences and
opportunity to walk the walk. To see the world around me with a set of new eyes allowing my soul
the opportunity to reside within me in harmony. Today I judge myself according to the teachings of
Christ and not in comparison to any human.

Humans fall short, they always will but as a human I have a choice in the matter and today I practice the
principals of love. Alexander Pope had it right when he shared, “To err is human, to forgive divine”
which rings true in my life today because it is a divine walk I seek and
I can only get there because I forgive.

My mail is read and you now know the truth if you didn’t before which is simple, I am human and I err.

Friends, today I want to encourage you to compare yourself to NO ONE but to practice a lifestyle which
benefits the whole. Invest yourself in ways which will positively affect every situation.
If you must find fault find it in yourself and correct it.
Your journey is your own and if you do not take inventory of where you are at compared to where you
have been you will not get where you desire to go because your wheels spin…

Much love

Merry Go Round

The following has been contributed by the paternal grandparent of one of Amber Whited’s (murdered July 16, 2013) children:

It is their merry go round and yet I still find myself on it. There is not one way to avoid it because we are connected, we are family.

Recently I had the opportunity to attend a court hearing wherein two sisters battle the custody of two minor children. My grandchildren and because they cannot come to terms and act right my family is injured, daily.

There is no one to blame now that the mother of the two children is murdered. It is she who was irresponsible and did not plan for the future of her children. It is she who chose to be a single parent and not protect her children by providing a last will and testament in which custody of her small children is established in the event of her untimely death.

Smugly and with false humility they each tell their side of things and from my point of view all I can see is one wanting to one up the other both with the hopes that their side is best played out in the eyes of the judge. It is obvious the judge could be doing more important things than mediate another childish dispute between two adults who should know better and don’t.

Both thinking they are the victor when neither has won and the children and their paternal grandparents lose. You may ask yourself, “How do the paternal grandparents lose?” I’ll be happy to explain.

When the mother of these two small ones was murdered she had not legitimized her youngest baby, the father being my son has not adopted the eldest child as the biological father is out of the picture and my son is the only man this little girl has called daddy. Both the mother and my son young enough to think they are invincible and old enough to know life can and will throw a curve ball do not plan for the possibilities thus do not protect the interest of children and all parties involved.

Actively involved for more than three years with the eldest child and even moreso whence the newborn arrives we commit. As family we embrace the one who is not our kin and receive her into the fold of our family going so far as to include her in family events, traveling long distances for various holidays, birthdays and impromptu meals.

Deeply integrated into our lives we build one moment at a time a foundation of love which bonds us. We love these children my husband and I and the rest of our family and yet now nearly a year since their mother’s murder we have nothing but photo albums of memories, sleepover and play clothes now outgrown and donated to charity and toothbrushes tossed in the trash.

And neither woman will open up and let us in. Both hoarding their time and both offering empty and broken promises.

Suffering in silence we grieve the loss of a woman we called daughter and the loss of her precious children though very much alive but out of reach because of a power game others play. An olive branch extended and we are allowed a few peeks into their lives with photos posted online and more recently at the courthouse where the family skimmed through a recent celebration captured on pages neither my son nor I were offered to hold. From a distance my heart burns from the sight of my grand daughters caught up in a family gathering denied me and my family. Only God knows how deep the burn goes and they so caught up in one upping the other have no clue as to the pain their joy causes us.

Salt in the wound I listen to them, a family divided, bad mouth the other and gloat over their minor victories in court and out.

Having had enough I break down and let them have it, both barrels regardless of the timing and the possibilities of being completely cut off I speak my peace. Seriously, who do they think they are? The law is the law but then there is the law of love and family the unspoken law where family stick together, forging a bond which cannot be broken and though I understand this law and abide by this law they do not. After having plead my case, pouring out my heart with tears freely falling going so far as to ask to be invited to a family gathering or dinner the immediate response of one of the sisters is, “We can have an accidental meeting somewhere public…”

I am not the enemy, I have not broken any laws nor been under investigation for any crimes by any enforcement agency and yet I am treated as though I am a criminal.

What a smack in the face, no truer insult than to know I am not even worthy enough in her eyes to step in her home nor to be considered family…I get it now, it is because they have no sense of family that they do not see me and mine as such. The sooner their family begins to embrace one another imperfections and all, to live in the truth, the sooner we can all move forward. I will not lie, I will not agree to deception even if it means I can have a few stolen moments with my grand children. I want it all, the whole pie. Without skulking about in the shadows to enjoy that time with my precious grand daughters. How can she be so willing to set these children and us up for disappointment knowing neither will have the liberty to freely call on the phone or pop in to see the other as we did in the past?

The best interest of the children is certainly not being considered…

I will not live under secrecy and deception nor should I be asked to. If the children were not simply pawns in this dysfunctional family’s game of tit for tat if the children’s needs were truly at the center of it all we would be included as actively involved grandparents now as we have been since the beginning.

Friends, if you are a single parent don’t be ignorant and think you are invincible, you will not live forever and have no guarantees over tomorrow. Plan, make plans and put it in writing thus protecting the best interest of your children. You don’t want for your child(ren) to be drug through the courts from one home to another amongst people who do not have one kind word to say about the other. In the end it is always the children who pay the price for adults who never learned to play nice together. It is not in the best interest of the children to lose their mother, grand parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Losing the center of their life is difficult enough without compounding the problem in losing familial support too. Regardless of legitimization these children should continue to live the life we have all actively been involved in providing.

**BaileyBoo, Harmony-Faith you are never far from our thoughts and always in our prayers. No matter what others say and claim to know, we have always been here for you and will continue to cover you in prayer. One day we will be restored and on that day there will be much joy and celebrating. We love you with all our hearts—NanaBell and Pop

The One That Got Away

“I know you don’t do it on purpose but you talk above their ability to process, you realize you are talking to people in the south who did not have the same education you got?”

I have been advised of this much of my life. Some state it is because I spent my formative years in New England public schools where most believe a higher education really does exist. I can’t say that I have this belief.

My parents were intelligent people both read daily some of which was local newspapers as well as the one from their home town. Mom read voraciously romance, mystery and true crime stories where as my father had other interests and hobbies such as race cars and home remodel projects as well as other things. My dad listened to controversial talk radio shows and watched the news daily. My mother loved music of all kind and dabbled in the arts she even sold a painting or two. Both were spiritually grounded in their own ways and own beliefs. And both loved “JEOPARDY” each racing the other to produce the correct answer earning the highest points. I lend my level of intelligence to my parents and the environment they exposed me to as a child during my formative years. Which by the way, was filled with higher standards, higher level of thinking and an open minded approach to the possibilities.

Recently I had a minor run in with someone who was offended by my way of speech; meaning my elocution. Many who initially meet me have no understanding of my history, education or career choice and so they have no idea that this is really the way I communicate. Reared by intelligent individuals, granted a higher education than most, choosing academia studies in college and a career as an Interpreter for people who are deaf or hard of hearing. I have a lexicon of knowledge which rarely gets used now that I am retired and in a different career path. Up until recently I have never really given much thought to how I come across to others. In fact, I have always consider myself agreeable but now I will be more conscious about NOT speaking too intelligently for the situation.

And so just a few short days have passed since this little run in and while performing administrative work for my business I come across an email conversation I had with a young woman and in this conversation I can clearly see now what I didn’t see then, she was offended from start to finish because I spoke over her head. And as I re-read this email my heart begins to hurt, my throat constricts and I fight back tears because we never resolved this conversation. And my usual living in acceptance has now turned to living in regret.

She being angry and bitterly offended allowed five weeks to go by where little to no words were spoken between us. As much as I pursue a reconciliation and apologize for any offense she stands her ground and holds a grudge. Tentatively in the fifth week we begin communicating but she still angry keeps her distance.
Imagine my great regret when a few days into reconciliation she is abducted and murdered.

I had an opportunity to apologize to someone I had offended. Instead of a warm and welcoming reception it was
tossed back in my face as offensive because I was too articulate and they didn’t know if I was sincere or rude.

Believe me when I say I am quick to reconcile any incident, I never want to be left holding the bag of nastygrams from a loved one again. I can never clear the matter up with this young woman. It may always way heavy on my heart that she never really new that I loved her as one of my own.

Friends, today I want to encourage you to face yourself as others see you. To consider trimming away some things that don’t come across appropriately but offensively. Read a book in the mirror and consider the expressions you use because some people are in tune to body language and facial affect. Your passion over a thing may come across as aggression… Practice approachability…

Study on the ways to integrate mercy and grace into your daily walk and practice, practice, practice
you and your loved ones will be thankful if you do

Much love